I have taken to occasionally writing out my thoughts in as close of a stream-of-consciousness fashion as I can muster. Part of this is for the same reason that many people keep a diary: Catharsis is a great feeling. However, normally I decide that it doesn’t contain anything immediately publishable, and so I just keep a hold of them for later mining. The below, however, was surprisingly lucid, especially considering that it was only my second entry in November. The entry is primarily a reflection on where I am to go from this day. Perhaps it’s useless, but my guess is that people will be able to find some good takeaways for themselves, even if they are merely inspired by my words rather than directly gleaned from them. Here it is, without further ado.
I think my earlier rant took a lot more out of me than I thought, because I find myself with very little to get off my chest like I did before, though it could be primarily because I am feeling a renewed sense of purpose today. For whatever reason, between a conversation I had with an old college friend and the way that work has been going, I have gotten it back into my head that I can write just fine and that I’m not a smashing failure like I so often believe. You’d be surprised just how often I find myself opining of myself that I am the worst writer on the planet.
Hopefully, I can turn writing into a livelihood in the future, as that really is my goal for myself, but I often wonder what would be the case for myself if I could not do that. Does it make sense to have a plan B? So many people would say that yes, as a matter of fact, it does, and indeed I struggle to not have a couple of plan B’s developed in my own brain. One of them is the natural option of going to law school. I have a great deal of confidence that I could do an exceptionally good job on the LSATs, so it is always a temptation to me to go that route. In fact, I have full intentions of taking the LSATs in 2013 if my bid for matriculation into one of many M.A. and M.F.A. programs goes awry.
Maybe that’s the wrong approach, though. Maybe what I really need to do is to just keep writing, knowing that one of these days it’s going to pay off. Not huge, I’m not so delusional that I think that. Just that someone, somewhere, will recognize that I happen to be good with words and that I happen to want to share the stories in my brain with others.